Emerging from Wilderness
Pictures by Ruby
Transitions make me look back. It could be easy, considering our excitement and anticipation for our life and work in Ghana, to “forget what is behind and strain for what’s ahead.” But as I (Jenni) ponder these good years in Tullahoma in my heart, I become more aware of God’s faithful guidance then to now. As a result my faith is deepened for the future.
We didn’t move to Tullahoma on purpose. In fact, we came from a place (Nashville) where we thought we were going to put down long-term roots. We moved to begin Nathan’s teaching career at Lipscomb University with great anticipation--big dreams and tons of potential. But alas, decisions we did not make, but that greatly affected us, brought the venture to an abrupt end after only six months. And so we unexpectedly entered a time of wilderness as we found ourselves "wandering" to Tullahoma.
Moses spent forty years in the wilderness being prepared to bring the people of Israel out of Egypt. Forty years that weren’t purposeless or empty. It struck me shortly after our move to Tullahoma that I had been sent to the wilderness. I knew that wilderness could serve a purpose, indeed be vital to preparing me for whatever was next, as it had for Moses. I resolved then not to waste the wilderness time but to posture myself to listen to God and open myself to be changed. I began to view our time in Tullahoma not as a time to be wished away, not as just a holding place until we got to the next REAL mission. As painful and humbling as it was to admit, I also realized that God disciplines those he loves. Whatever I needed to learn I wanted to be humble enough to hear.
Thanks be to God—Tullahoma became a place for deepening our trust, accepting discipline, and finding ourselves in God. Our blood family and our Cedar Lane church family put their arms around us, loved us, and empathized with us. We were able to contribute to church life and mission in our new place. The kids thrived. Slowly we were being put back together.
Our wilderness has now blossomed into a blessed launching point. We believe God has invited us into an exciting new chapter of mission. I am filled with gratitude to God. Lord willing, we will have a long and fruitful season in Ghana. Yet, I also hold it lightly, knowing from the wilderness that sometimes things don’t happen as we expect or plan.
Please don’t hear me say that the greatest thing I have received out of this wilderness experience is a new missional vocation. Or a ticket out of the wilderness. It’s deeper and more abiding than that. Wilderness isn’t a pause in the mission but part of the mission.
God has called me into relationship with him. A relationship that has twist, turns, ups and downs. Wilderness is (often) a part of the journey. But the rough road through the wilderness aims to keep bringing me back to God.
I’ve held onto John 15:5 for a couple of years now: “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” How freeing to know that my job is not to make the fruit! My job is to REMAIN. The fruit of the Spirit will be born in my life if I remain.
The wilderness has trained me better in remaining. I’ve experienced God in new ways by learning to listen to God in prayer, deepening my understanding and practice of prayer, and putting up my antenna to detect the Spirit at work in those around me. My mission and purpose, my identity and value, are all found in God.
And it’s so life-giving that I want more and more. The real adventure of my life is not being an international missionary; it is not where I find myself but in whom I find myself. Wherever I go or end up, that adventure will live into eternity. Even if and when my circumstances change, knowing that I am found in God will not change.
Without the wilderness, I’m not sure I would have learned there is no adventure greater than discovering myself in God wherever I am.
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